January has been an interesting month thus far. I started this year off with a new look at "New Year's Day". I used to have the perspective that it was "just a new number". This year however, I realize that it's much more. With the last few years of life and especially 2012, I've learned that there is something special about a "new number".
Last year was probably one of, if not THE, toughest year of my life. I experienced some trials that really challenged me as a person and challenged me to trust God and who He has placed in leadership. So many times last year I truly wanted to run away. I dreamed of becoming a Gypsy or a world traveler without a home… Or of traveling to a remote place and just starting over with my hubby and my dog.
At the end of the year I had so much pent up anger that I was becoming very short and snippy with everyone around me. To the world, the anger was well-deserved, to my God, He had better for me. I hurt so much inside and I didn't even realize. I had tucked it so far down and only dealt with part of what I was going through. Oh, but God is gracious and He certainly loves us where we're at, but thankfully, He doesn't leave us there!
God met me in my pain and He did something miraculous. He healed my heart and gave me something so much better! He gave me peace, a quiet spirit and the ability to love again. He gave me a renewed vision for the life He wants me to live. He called me back to Himself because He will NEVER EVER EVER leave us. He desires that we ALWAYS bring our hurts to Him. He desires that we live life with Him. He desires to console us when we're down and encourage and love us back up to our feet. He desires to rejoice with us when blessing is in front of us. He desires to pour that blessing out on us.
God gave me several words for 2013, "Expectation" and "New Beginnings". As I pondered these words I realized that I, for the first time ever, was looking forward to New Year's Eve. I had goose bumps walking into the party on New Year's Eve. I desired to countdown the clock and celebrate with people, a new year! I wondered about this since it was a new concept for me.
I realized that as much as each day is new there is something significant about a changing year, just as there is something significant about a changing season. The ability to look into the future and know that God is in charge. To know that the ability to start over is right at home… you don't need to run away. I had a perspective change that started my 2013 with hope.
And that's my word for 2013… Hope. Hope for my future, hope for my family, hope for promises to be fulfilled. So, I sit here writing this for you. So far I would say that January hasn't gone the way I thought it would. I'm 28 years old now and I had expected to be able to share news with you by now… but it didn't happen that way. The truth is, I have no idea what the details are of my future. What I know, without any doubt in my mind or my heart, is that my God is the ultimate authority. He's calling the shots in my life and I'm following His lead.
It's certainly an adventure to not know exactly what's next, but the thing is, it doesn't matter. My goal in life is to love on as many people as I can and share Jesus with as many people as possible. To love my husband and my family, and to live for God all the days of my life.
I wait, patiently expecting that God will continue to do amazing things in and through me. Fully anticipating that 2013 is my new beginning. Hoping for my future, all of God's goodness.
"But I am like an olive tree, thriving in the house of God. I will always trust in God's unfailing love."
Psalm 52:8
"Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds."
James 1:2
"Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you."
Deuteronomy 31:6
