Recently our story took a turn I had hoped to never experience. I didn't plan to share this experience with the world after it happened either... But alas, here I am. I'm sort of feeling like I need to share it because it is part of us now. We appreciate everyone who has been walking through our experience with us. We're each dealt different cards in life and the one constant we can count on is God, but having friends and family around to encourage and build hope is HUGE! Thank you so much for your support. Please know that I love hearing from you too! Please feel free to share your stories with me.
So, without beating around the bush... We conceived in December of 2012. I know! We were hesitant to be excited at first because, well, let's face it... This has been a rough few years! But a few weeks in we were starting to dream up nursery ideas and fun ways to deliver the news to family. We were starting to believe that THIS was our moment. And it was... for about 6 weeks.
On January 16, 2013, I had a seizure. I have not had one in 11 years. It was sort of fluke, they have always been caused by severe pain... And this one was no different, although, I'd rather not share the details. The next day we miscarried. I have no idea if they are related or not but I do find the timing interesting.
I was heartbroken. And no one would blame me for the depression that seemed to instantaneously overtake me. I sank so quickly into a pit and I had no idea how to get out! That lasted for about 48 hours. My poor hubby couldn't even make me smile, it wasn't in there. I couldn't find joy even when I tried. I have never felt sorrow and sadness so deep in my soul before.
As I sat in our living room, crying and complaining about how God could have changed it, I realized that this was doing me no good. I decided that soaking with worship music was the only answer, especially since I had no idea how to pray at that moment. During my soaking, God ministered powerfully to me! He showed up in my pain and replaced it with peace, comfort and hope for my future.
You see, God doesn't always give explanations... A lot of the time He just wants us to trust Him. In fact, when we focus too much on things we want, they can become an idol. So in the end our focus should always be on God. This does not mean that you don't grieve a loss, or hope for the desires of your heart. But it does mean that you don't dwell on them. Grieve when you need to grieve and rejoice when it's time to rejoice. But always focus on God and always choose to be thankful for what HE HAS ALREADY DONE! Always turn to Him and always enter His courts with praise. No matter the circumstances, God is still God.
Hope feels. Faith sees. Love wins. (Kris Valloton). Remember to encourage each other and give hope, it builds faith. We are looking forward to a BRIGHT future that God already has planned! I believe that God has a "future and a hope" (Jer 29:11) for YOUR future too.
Hebrews 11:1-3 NKJV
"Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen. For by it the elders obtained a good testimony. By faith we understand that the worlds were framed by the word of God, so that the things which are seen were not made of things which are visible."
