The Beauty of Marriage

As we left the doctor's office, I felt a cloud of disappointment start to settle it's ugly face around me. It arrived and sneered at me while the doctor was talking. I heard the words he had to say, but what I heard even louder was, "you can't get pregnant on your own and succeed." As tears were fighting to come out in droves, I fought back to keep my composure and hear the only words I never wanted to hear, "the only way we can help you, and give you a 55% chance of taking a baby home, is IVF".

My heart sank. There are no words. Every question I had thought of prior to this appointment had disappeared, melted away. As the reality set in that the problem didn't actually have anything to do with me, but was entirely on Male Factor Infertility, I became angry. For what reason? Many. Too much to even break down right now. Too many things to even have sorted through it all myself.

The day was a whirlwind. Being fully present at my nephew's birth... A miracle. An experience I would never trade the world for... And an appointment filled with disappointment and letdown.

 

 

My heart has ached ever since. No, I have nothing against IVF or any other fertility treatment. It's just not the route we ever wanted to take. We have never stopped believing that God will provide us with a baby. We have just always believed it would be without assistance... and IVF is expensive.

So, here we are... Waiting, and my heart is aching in a new way. On Monday, Jason and I sat down in the living room and I poured out my heart. I poured out all the aches and pains and everything that made me angry. I talked about my disappointment and my fears... And I cried. And then Jason did the most amazing thing, something I never expected.

He looked at me and said, "I'm not worried about it. I really believe that we'll be pregnant soon."

He was so confident, cool, and collected. It was like he had an insider look at the future; he read tomorrow's paper. His words impacted me to my core. In my struggle and pain, my spouse, my husband, has confidence in God's Word. He spoke truth, the truth of the promise. He spoke it with calm confidence and a knowing.

This confidence, this faith, this is what gives me hope right now. This is the beauty of marriage. When one is down, the other is up. It's a beautiful thing, a harmonious melody.

 

"A person standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back-to-back and conquer. Three are even better, for a triple-braided cord is not easily broken." (Ecclesiastes 4:12 NLT)

Marriage is not easy, but oh is it worth it. We go through life and sometimes, it sucks. But when we can go through it together we can pick each other up. We can hold each other's hands. We can laugh together and cry together. We can remind each other of the promises. Marriage is always work and it's work from both sides. There's always decisions to make about forgiveness, or keeping your mouth closed to keep the peace; or listening when they're hurting, or laughing when you share joy. But this is what God created marriage for... a bond meant for a lifetime, a covenant meant to be an example of a coming King for His bride. A way to demonstrate God's love for us.

I am so thankful for my man. Someday we'll be sharing in the joy of children (and yes, the trials and difficulties too), and I'm so thankful we get to do that together. I'm so thankful that we can walk this road, though painful, together. I'm so thankful that no matter where we end up, even if it's not what my brain pictures, that we'll be together.

My heart is filled with joy and hope, my heart is filled with Eucharisteo (the giving of thanks, thankfulness).

Marriage is a beautiful thing.