I do call it a battle. This is because we have fought emotionally, physically and spiritually for many things. For example, our sanity, our healing, understanding and the ability to love others who have so easily obtained the one thing we desire. This, my friends, is not easy. It's also a battle to love those that say things, often unknowingly, that have the ability to cut and wound.
There is something deep within you that sparks pain when you hear of someone who takes for granted the ability to conceive, and those that take their pregnancy and children for granted. I always wish deep down that everyone wanted every child ever conceived and born. My heart longs for there to be not a single orphaned or aborted child! My heart longs that no womb would be barren and no child miscarried.
I realize we should not compare our story to someone else's, we each have our own story. But their circumstances certainly do put perspective on ours. My heart swells with love for each pregnancy I know of, and those I'm not aware of. I adore little children to no end. They are precious gems that bring joy into the world. Their innocence is so valuable I wish we would all take a lesson from it. Through this battle I have learned to see life as the most amazing gift! I am thankful for the women who do conceive easily so they don't have to bear this pain. I am thankful for healthy pregnancies carried to term. I am thankful for adoption so babies and children can be loved by people who have huge hearts!
In life, we are always given a choice. No matter the situation, we can choose to become bitter and angry, or we can choose to walk a life with the fruit of the Spirit. We can choose to do things our way or we can choose to trust God. I will always choose God. The reason being, He has always chosen me and no matter how difficult life can get I know I am never alone. He walks with me, comforts me, loves me and guides me. Through Him, I have strength to love people and pray for people, whom I otherwise would not be able to.
This summer, 2012, I realized that the reason I know about pregnancies before people have announced or even before they happen is because God wants me to pray for them. Pray for the parents and the new life being formed. At first I thought it to be a curse as it was just, plain and simply, painful. Now I realize it's a gift I have to be shared with others. A way to bless people. I look at it joyfully now and even have a list of names I write down when I suspect someone and then put the confirmation date… You just might be on my list if you've had a baby in the last few years.
Jason and I believe every day and every month that God will fulfill His promise. The Bible tells us in Isaiah 55:11 that God's Word does not return to Him void. I believe that we will have a baby and I believe that it will happen naturally. I don't know when it will be. But I know it will be. God is faithful.
The one thing I know in life is that I can rely on God. Always.
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