Our Story: Part Three

Nothing happened overnight. In fact, I'm still not 100%. But everything in my world began to change for the better. God had begun to do a work in me that has propelled me further into relationship with Him. I still ran away from people I knew were pregnant because I didn't know how to deal with the pain and be happy for them at the same time. But every time I ran, Jesus was with me comforting me.    

That year (2009) I decided to become proactive in finding out what the problem was with us conceiving. As I researched polycystic ovarian syndrome (PCOS) I discovered that it was very likely caused by the foods I was eating. As I continued to search out what was going on Jason and I decided that we didn't know what foods were safe or good for us anymore. With this newfound information we cleaned out of our cupboard everything that was processed. Then we went shopping and within hours had become vegans.

In December of 2009 I had a conversation with a friend about healing. It was there that I realized how big and awesome my God is. I got this crazy idea that He could and would heal me of PCOS. That Sunday morning I had determined that I would have the pastor pray for me at church and I was going to be healed. I tell you that everything that could have possibly gone wrong, went wrong that morning. But with perseverance I made it to church and I received prayer. This was of course after waiting in the sanctuary after service and chasing the pastor down… Because he didn't see me waiting for him.

It was here, as Pastor Dean was praying for us, that we received a word that we would indeed have children and that it would happen naturally. God healed my womb that very moment. I was crying and so excited I could hardly contain it! I thought for sure that month we would conceive.

However, it didn't play out the way I thought it would. We were charting and we had purchased an ovulation test that month. According to my temperatures and the ovulation test we were dead on with our timing... But nothing happened. I was so disappointed and I felt defeated in January. I came into a bit of depression. More people are conceiving and I'm still here feeling like a lost puppy. Feeling forgotten.

If you've been in this place, you understand how I felt. It hurts, it's confusing, and you feel helpless. But the one thing that always remained was the comfort and peace that God gave me. Every day He reminded me of His never-ending love. He showed me all infinite ways that He cares for us and our needs. All the pain that my heart has bore has brought me so much closer to my Father.

In the following year it was a rollercoaster. Every month a disappointment, every month tears in the amount of rivers. At least it seemed that way. But always feeling encouraged and re-energized to get back up and try again, to keep moving forward and pressing in. God never ceased to give me strength that I could have never come up with on my own.

You see, it's not about the destination, it's about the journey. God doesn't promise that doing things His way will be easy, in fact, He tells us it will be hard and full of persecution. But He promises that He will walk the road WITH us. He will NEVER forsake us. What an amazing promise!